The Mystery of Imaginary Ugliness
To a person handicapped by a genuine continental defect, or suffering from an actual facial disfigurement as a result of an accident, plastic surgery can indeed seemingly perform magic. From such cases it would be easy to theorize that the cure all for all neuroses, unhappiness, fear, failure, anxiety and lack of self-confidence would be wholesome plastic surgery to remove all bodily defects. However, according to this theory, persons with normal or acceptable faces should be similarly free from all psychological handicaps. They should be cheerful, happy, self-confident, free from anxiety and worry we know all too well this is not true.
The Self-Image - the Real Secret
The secret is this. To really "live," that is to find life reasonably satisfying, you must have an adequate and realistic self image that you can live with. You must find yourself acceptable to "you." You must have a wholesome self-esteem. You must have a self that you can trust and believe in. You must have a self that you are not ashamed to be, and one that you can feel free to express creatively, rather than to hide or cover up. You must have a self that corresponds to reality so that you can function effectively in a real world. You must know yourself both your strength and your weaknesses and be honest with yourself concerning both. Your self esteem must have a reasonable approximation of "you," being neither more than you are, nor less than you are.
When this self-image is intact and secure, you feel "good." When it is threatened, you feel anxious and insecure. When it is adequate and one that you can be wholesomely proud of, you feel self-confident. You feel free to "be yourself" and to express yourself. You function at your optimum. When it is an object of shame, you attempt to hide it rather than express it. Creative expression is blocked. You become hostile and hard to get along with.
Today, I am more convinced than ever that what each of us really wants, deep down, is more LIFE. Happiness, success, peace of mind, or whatever your own conception of supreme good may be, is experienced in its own essence as more life. When we experience expansive emotions of happiness, self confidence, and success, we enjoy more life. And to the degree that we inhibit our abilities, frustrate our God given talents, and allow ourselves to suffer anxiety, fear, self condemnation and sulfate, we literally choked off the life force available to us and turn our back upon the gift which are Creator has made. To the degree that we deny the gift of life, we embrace death.
Excerpt from Psycho-Cybernetics
Watch for future blogs on fixing a self image. Because it has to be fixed before the results in your life can change.